July 13, 2011

MOI: Hosni Mubarak still President of Egypt!

It is easy these days to be angry with Mansour Essawy. The Interior Minister of Egypt has is very own way of seeing and saying things, as Prime Minister Essam Sharaf only learned a few days ago. When Sharaf in a televised address to the nation stated that all police officers accused of having killed protesters were to be dismissed from their jobs, Essawy‘s answer was unmistakably clear: „F#%&#@/*!“, the Interior Minister said in humble politeness. „Who are you to think you have anything to say!.“ Essawy had a point. Sharaf is only Prime Minister of Egypt and head of the Cabinet. What right could he possibly have to boss the Interior Ministry around!

Some - typically of course those that have studied law and politics and never fail to believe they‘re clever - came up with the feeble excuse that the Ministry of the Interior (MOI) was part of the Cabinet of Egypt. And as the Prime Minister was head of the Cabinet ... But we knew of course that that silly argument could not hold.

In a breaking discovery today it was finally exposed why Mansour Essawy rightfully knows that Sharaf as Prime Minister has nothing to say. On the web page of the Ministry of the Interior the truth is revealed. Far from what we think we know and believe - Hosni Mubarak is STILL president of Egypt! - Ha! - Take that, Sharaf!

Not only does the “Mubarak Academy“ still exist - much more we learn from the web page of the Ministry of the Interior:
“Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak on Sunday met ...“
Not that we would learn who he met. This is naturally top secret and any disclosing of this information would seriously harm the national security.

But of course we wonder - because we are only humans after all - who the President we all thought was toppled met on Sunday? The German doctor from Heidelberg? Or the forensic expert Seba3y perhaps? (Surely wanting to go over the autopsy report he would publish after Mubarak‘s death - it is always good if you settle on the details before you die.)

Yet we don‘t know. Interior Minister Essawy won‘t let on. All we know is that good old Hosni Mubarak - didn‘t we sense this all along? - is going strong and is - according to the Ministry of Interior - still the President of Egypt!

Five months after February 11 this comes somewhat as a surprise to the world and international observers reading the MOI web page. And it shows us how stupid we‘ve been all this time asking for some idiotic justice or trials of Mubarak or anything else blatantly fantastic. You can‘t put a president on trial, buggers! The President is enjoying immunity from prosecution in every civilized country. And hey, do you mean to say Egypt isn‘t civilized? - There!

While we are dreaming of some judicial consequences or melt our butts on the summer hot tar of Tahrir square the Minister of the Interior, Mansour Essawy, informs us that the President of Egypt - Hosni Mubarak - is busy on Sunday meeting with whoever the President thinks right to meet. Makes you look awfully stupid in your  silly little tents in Midan Tahrir, doesn‘t it?

Well, there‘s more to come to prove you really missed the show. Did you read the Important News on the MOI page regarding protests? No? Do:
“The supreme council of the Armed Forces warned Friday 18/2/2011 against protests staged by some factions, saying they are hindering interests and production, and creating serious economic circumstances.“
You realize of course how important this news is on Wednesday 13/7/2011 - that‘s why the MOI put it right up front on the page so you won‘t miss it.

What you might miss however is the notice on the bottom of the page, although it is not less important to all Egyptians:
“The occasion of the completion of enrollment in the new electoral tables 01-31-2007 and the start of the presentation of the tables on the citizens to make requests and appeals to security directorates with effect from Thursday the first in February 2007 until the end of the month will be presentation of the election to the citizens for consultation“
Disregarding the somewhat innovative use of the English language you better make sure to dot down this important date in your calendar: Presentation of the election to citizens for consultation will ONLY be on until Feb 2007! So you really better hurry. - Of course, to make it, you might want to get yourself one of those warp machines catapulting you back in time. They‘re currently sold out at amazon. But do check back for new stock soon.

Totally without any hint of a date - that makes clicking the switch on time machines difficult - put it on ‘past‘, put it on ‘future‘? - comes the notice next to it on bottom right telling us that Mansour Essawy is overseeing the start of human rights training of field officers working in departments or police station. It will be a long training no doubt as it is also a very long Acaademy, but sadly we are left with no indication in just what decade this training will begin. Or is it already over and we just missed it? We miss a lot these days, you know (check President), and shouldn‘t be surprised.

To close off your informative trip around the grand web page appearance of the Ministry of the Interior of Egypt (that you support with your taxes - a heart‘s delight!) - you might want to click the button on the left bottom reading: „Wanted person“ to check whether you're wanted in Egypt or not. Unfortunately this button is inactive at the moment, so don‘t be too disappointed that your name does not appear. Hey, you might be a well known activist, ok, ok - but since you are NOT mentioned here, it can only mean that you are NOT wanted in Egypt. And that in itself is a clear sign coming from the MOI, don‘t you think?

Mubarak by the way, we deduce from the inactive button, is also not wanted in Egypt, despite rumours otherwise. - But then, what‘s new? Who ever wanted this President in the first place? - Honestly, looking at the fantastical web page of the Ministry of the Interior of Egypt we learn a lot.

And PM Sharaf really can‘t say Mansour Essawy didn‘t get it. No sir. Essawy is far cleverer and better informed then all of us and sees a president where we don't. But then, he's the Minister of the Interior. Serves us right.


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